1.
family BBQ
family meatheads
rookie stands in the corner and scans
looking for the next most masculine
swivelling the great rock
of his intellect
he nods in greeting
at an inanimate object
the beer in his target’s hand
I recall his reprimand,
“you are nursing that”
2.
music festival
off duty
a sunshade straddles the gap between tents
we cram into the absence of beams
close, closer, dare I say it,
becoming friends
but he stands aloof
back to the heat, then
he throws a ball into our midst
and the dog in pursuit comes with
the clawed explosion rakes our legs red
and blind to social etiquette
he marvels at this sentient missile
now panting to fly again
this rookie, doubled over
rejuvenated by his own wit
3.
I was on my bike
and now I am not
a unit of police and an ambulance
are meters away, refuelling
convenient !!!
I vom
I make a statement
the officer emails me later that day
he cannot make out the license plate
of the red BMW as it drives away
he does not offer to ask other businesses
for their CCTV footage
other businesses like, for example…
three-hundred meters down the road…
the BMW dealership… … …
4.
a walk
god forbid
I offer a smile of recognition to a passing cyclist
later, I am alone
when the cyclist comes past again
this time
in a balaclava
and
his dick
my first instinct?
kick his chain from his gears
but then
my second instinct
is sprint
to the road
I have my phone!
I call New Zealand Police!
I tell them everything!
including the offender’s name!
they say
they will send someone over…
go home and check the phone book
consider leaving five distinct shits
in five distinct letterboxes
but what if someone saw me…
recognised me…
and phoned New Zealand Police?
one year later
they call me back
they have made an arrest